Those of us who believed, wholly or partially, that there was a huge monolith of "racism" in America were stunned by the ease Senator Obama won the Presidential Election.

This was no "nail-biter", this was no Gore/Bush or Kerry/Bush in which it came down a handful of votes, this was an overwhelming majority. The BBC had "called" the election before voting began, as their polls gave Obama at least 330 electoral votes where 270 were required to win. Clearly, Americans of every colour voted for Barack Obama.

What this means for African Americans is that they will have a bit more difficulty in attributing their personal failings to racism. The majority of Americans voted for Barack Obama not because of his skin colour, but because of his platform.

If Mr. Obama was white, his vision for America would still galvanise the population. Perhaps African Americans would not be as active in support and might have stayed home, but white voters, with a choice as clear as it was on November 4, 2008, would have elected Barack Obama as President of the United States. Although I may gain the opprobrium of my Black American readers, the fact is, in many cases, 'failings are not in our stars but in ourselves'. If a black man, whether in Akron, Ohio, or Accra, Ghana, wants to idle on a corner, he won't get far in life.

In Akron he can claim it is "white people" who keep him down. In Accra, whom does he blame? If a black woman wants to engage in unprotected sex and spew out fatherless children when she can not even support herself, if she's in Pittsburgh she can claim it is the "white man" who keeps her in the "ghetto" and in poverty.

In Port of Spain, Trinidad, whom does she blame? American Blacks have just lost their catch-all excuse for their failures. If Barack Obama can reach the top, can be elected President of the United States, elected not by the "black" vote, but by the votes of the majority of non-black Americans, then perhaps racism is not as prevalent as media mouths wish to make us believe.

It has always been the way to power for a dark skinned demagogue to tell other dark skinned people that they must align with him to fight against the "white power structure". No longer will these demagogues have a platform of the backs of "their" people to raise them to a standard of living they aspire to become accustomed to.

The greatest effect of Barack Obama on the Black community will be the removal of their excuses for self immolation.

Much ink and video tape has been expended on this issue, which was even the subject of a movie called “Something Different,” in which a professional black woman finds love with a white landscaper.

The CNN special featured a bull session with black professionals from the Atlanta area. One of the issues brought up by one of the sisters in the group was black men being afraid of “professional, accomplished women.”

Black women are a particular unique group. I can feel for them and their lack of dating opportunities. I'm a black man, but even I can admit that many brothers are struggling with issues like unemployment, incarceration and out of wedlock children.

Because Black American men have largely failed in their roles as fathers and leaders of the family, black women have learned to do without them. Many black women are constantly admonished by their parents, and in many cases single mothers, to never rely on a black man because “a brother will always let you down.”

I don't advise any woman in today's society to be totally dependent on a man, but by encouraging black women to make themselves independent many parents are setting their daughters up for failure. A marriage or a relationship is a partnership by definition, and it's very difficult to be in a relationship with an independent -minded woman, who is used to doing thing her own way.

The sister from Atlanta complained about black men being intimidated by strong, independent woman, but she misses the issue. The roles of men and women have radically changed over the last half century. While women are expected to work and further their education in college, many men still secretly want to have a wife like their mother, one who took care of the children, cooked, cleaned and had a hot meal ready for him when you gets home.

It may be politically incorrect to admit that in modern-day America, but I wonder how many of those “strong, independent” black women are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to be a good wife? Sisters should pay heed to those studies that show that the further women move up the corporate ladder, the less likely they are to get married. Men in Corporate America, have seen the lives that corporate women lead, and they realize that lifestyle is not conducive to being a good wife or mother.

Most professional brothers, and men in general, have been single at one point of their lives. They can cook, clean, and do laundry. If they can't do those things, they can either find a woman to do these tasks, or pay a housekeeper, (which is often cheaper than marriage as many divorced men are realizing.) Unfortunately, several years after the Sexual Revolution, many American women either cannot or will not do these tasks. Some women feel these household chores are demeaning and render them suberservient. This problem is not just confined to the black community. An increasing number of older, wealthy white men are going to places like Russia and the Philippines to find old-fashioned women who are willing to stay home and be traditional wives. The jury is still out on whether these relationships succeed in the long run, but it shows what little faith many American men have in American women.

If men have to come home to an empty house, cook their own meals and do their own laundry, they will start asking themselves what is the benefit of being married? Unfortunately professional woman are still expected to handle most of the home chores after work. This makes them feel like they have two jobs, one at home, and the other at the office.

Ideally some form of compromise is needed. For example, while one partner does the cooking, the other partner can do the grocery shopping or wash the car.

It's unreasonable for men to expect a woman who has been working all day to have a hot meal ready every day. But, ladies, a home-cooked meal every once in a while goes a long way. Several years ago in one of his stand-up specials Chris Rock said the secret to finding a man is cooking. He said, “If you put a pot on a stove at 5 o'clock a man will show up.”

Some women are realizing that is impossible to be a great career woman and a perfect mom and are opting out. CNN recently featured a story about college-educated childless women who have decided to become homemakers. Some feminists might claim this is a step backwards, but I will bet those women have happy husbands and longer lasting marriages. Both sexes need to ask themselves what is most important, being successful in your career and independent, or having a happy family? The choice is yours.

Vaikasi Visakam Festival

Every year the star day of Visakam that falls in the month of Vaikasi, the second month of the Tamil Calendar, is celebrated as the birthday of Lord Murugan. It is the festival of offerings and self purification by visiting the temples of Lord Murugan. This festival is celebrated with great veneration in South India, especially in Tamil Nadu. They have special offerings and rituals in all the temples of Lord Murugan.

Lord Murugan: The Incarnation For Redemption

The two Asura (devil or demon) brothers Soora Padman and Tharakasura were terrorizing the Devas. Unable to bear their torture anymore, the Devas requested Lord Siva to save them from the Asura brothers. At their request, Lord Siva opened his Third Eye, the eye seen on his forehead, which he opened very rarely only to save his creations from any evil attack. The third eye emitted six sparks which were carried by the gods Agni, Vayu and the other Devas to the divine river Ganges and Ganges in turn carried them to Saravana Poigai, a stream where it is believed that the six fire sparks took the shape of six male babies, cradled by lotus flowers that floated in the stream.

Six young girls, who saw the babies floating in the river, took them and reared them till Goddess Parvathi (the other part or the wife of Lord Siva) came there and fondly hugged the six babies to her bosom. The six babies who were fondled in her bosom coalesced to form into a single child with six faces and twelve hands. And this is how Lord Shanmuga (Shan+Mugam, which literally means "six faces") was born without the sexual involvement of any female ovum for conception in order to save the Devas. When the appropriate time came, Skanda got himself ready to fight the Asura Soora Padman and his clan, equipped with arms in all the twelve hands. Above all, Goddess Parvathi gave him the Sakthi Vel (the Spear of Power) with which Lord Murugan fought the Asuras. At last, when Soora Padman's wife requested the Lord to spare her husband, Murugan honored her request by allowing the Asura to remain as his own flag symbol. We can see his flag symbol cock (seval kodi- the flag with a cock emblem) and his vehicle - peacock (Mayilvahanam).

Lord Murugan: The God of Punishment and Mercy

Murugan is considered to be a god who punishes with mercy. He is the only god who is both angry and kind. We sometimes threaten the children to punish them but at the same time we are kind to hem. In the same way, it is said that, he treats the humans who realize their mistakes and correct themselves. He did not give any severe punishment even to the Asura who threatened to annihilate all the creations. Rather he transformed the Asura into two parts one as a cock and the other as a peacock and brought both of them under his control as his flag and vehicle, respectively.

Vaikasi Visakam for Self Purification

The festival of Vaikasi Visakam is celebrated to make it an occasion for self analyzing and purification. To err is human as man is weak and commits mistakes. But to realize ones mistakes and live a rectified life is the divine part. Lord Murugan was born on Vaikasi Visakam to redeem humans from all their evils. The day should make us free from the bondages of our sins and lead us to a peaceful life!

Exploring the heritage would involve getting to know more about the history and beliefs of the people. Asian girls are a product of their society and each of the different people that make up Asia have a bit more distinct culture or heritage. Here is an overview of just two of them.

The modern Japanese girl is now more independent than ever before. More of them now desire to be independent economically and are no longer willing to be subjected to the traditional role of a Japanese wife. Japanese men work late hours and all domestic work is reserved for the wife.

She is expected to care for the kids, home, her parents as well as those of her husband. Modern Japanese's girls not put off marriage to pursue a career and the Government is worried about the declining birth rate. A growing number of Japanese girls now seek husband and mates from Europe and the US. They seek a mate that would share domestic responsibilities and give them more time and freedom to pursue a career. The traditional culture of Japan has little place for the women and they are seeking western mates to be treated more as individuals and equals.

The Indian cultural heritage has a high regard for close knit family units. An Indian woman undergoes strict family and religious background. Some Indian families might accept a western suitor for the daughter if his intentions are clear, open and honorable. If the family are strict Hindus this might pose a bigger problem as marriage is arranged by the parents with no provision for courtship. If you do have a problem with making in-roads with the man of the family it could help you, at least for that night if you take along a bottle of "red label".

Indians are very friendly people are quite acceptable to strangers. The women have come to accept their role in the society and many have no problem with arranged marriages and giving births every other year. In India the family of the bride pays out a dowry to the groom's family. They have a equal ratio of men to women but almost half of the women are uneducated. Recent female movements have seen the number of uneducated dwindling and more women coming out of the traditional back seat role.

Of course these two are not just the two cultures in Asia their are still some more such as the girls from China, the country oldest longest history, the shy subjective girls from Vietnamese or humble Filipino girls. Asia is a land rich in history and culture and anywhere you turn there is a delightful girl to tantalize your desire.

I also graduated from the University of North Dakota (UND) in 1988 with a BA in American Indian Studies. UND had over 300 Native American Students at the time I went to school there. UND goes by the name of The Fighting Sioux.

While a student at the University I was part of an organization that sought a name change. Why? We felt that the use of the name promoted racist acts by students on the campus and at sporting events. While I attended the University and later when I taught there, there was at least one racial incident per semester on the campus aimed at the Native American Student population.

I knew several students that were attacked and beaten my non-native students. Racial slurs were yelled at hockey games. There was a major verbal assault aimed at Female Native Americans students and their children at a homecoming parade one fall.

The University still holds onto the name even after the NCAA came out against the use of Native American sports names.

The University claims they use the name to honor the native Americans of the state of North Dakota, in spite of the fact that the name was chosen by the student body in the 30's because the in state rivals, North Dakota state is the Bison and according to the UND Student paper , The Fighting Sioux, reflected killing the Bison!

This is a reflection of my personal experience while at UND. Because of the events on the campus while I lived there, my youngest daughter, refused to dance at pow-wows any more, because she did not want to been seen dressed "like an Indian".

The NCAA attempted to do the right thing by coming out against the use of such names. Even though they had allowed to let some Universities to continue to use such names. They have specifically told UND to drop the use of their name because of the history of racial events on the campus.

None of this reflects the use of such names by Professional sports teams. The football team in Washington D.C. comes to mind. Redskins in comparable to the use of the N word and no professional team would consider using that word. And, the logo used by the Cleveland baseball team. What could be more racist.

There have been many Native athletics in the past that have refused to play for such teams. I have been surprised that other "players" have not spoken out against the use of such names.

Another problem with the use of such names and the mascots that go with them is the use of symbols that are sacred to many Native people. The use of feathers, paint, dance and the drum. A few years back a female comedian sang the National Anthem at a professional baseball game. At the end of the song she grabbed her crotch and spat. It caused a national outcry and yet, Native people say the same things that many Americans were saying after seeing the use of "our" sacred symbols at sporting events.

I hope that professional teams will one day follow the NCAA in banning the use of such names and mascots.

There is no slave master forcing black boys into "gangsta rap", whipping them if they don't wear their pants so low we can see their underwear. No slave master forces crack into their noses, ties them to corners or punishes them if they don't get a tattoo. No slave master tears the father from his children and sells him "south", or buys him as a "stud" to breed their mares.

These are choices black men make, despite opportunities to chose otherwise. The word opportunities is not to be ignored. There is no slave master forcing fourteen year old girls to engage in sex, to bring forth unwanted children and abandon or brutalize them. There is no slave master for them to trick or seduce or expect to be supported by.

These are choices black women make, despite opportunities to chose otherwise. Again, the word opportunity is not to be ignored. The leaders of black people in America have usually used slavery and its aftermath as a soapbox. Black leaders in America never admit that joining gangs, engaging in promiscuous sex, becoming drug addicts, are choices. This is because black leaders in America benefit from moving the blame from the individual to white society. Black people in America can find comfort in the relegation of volition.

Where the hallmark of an adult is taking responsibility for actions, admitting fault, children blame the chair for tripping them, the teacher for failing them, and expect to be taken care of by adults. The preservation of juvenile traits in the adult Afro- American enables Afro-American leaders to climb on their backs to fame and fortune. Blacks who eschew the "black ghetto culture" are often berated by their "own people" as sell-outs, so their effect is limited.

The boy who goes to school, concentrates on his work, and gains a scholarship, not in sports but in academic pursuit, is not highlighted. The girl who remains a virgin into University or beyond, is boxed out of contention as being an aberration, and the fact she doesn't have a boyfriend contraindicates the "A" she attained in physics.

Slavery mentality is not enforced by the white world, it is enforced by the black. Black television does not provide viewers with uplifting images nor focuses on parochial news to offset the white world view, but pushes music videos in which the worst behavior is elevated. Where other ethnicities gain space on cable channels to present their views and versions of mainstream networks, Afro-Americans do not.

The Internet, which could be used to publish positive images, ideas, opportunities, satisfies itself with black as victim with no alternative even mooted. The feeling of resentment, of being victimized, is inculcated into those who read such publications, which maintains the status quo ante.

Where other groups do not need to see themselves as victims of the white world and push forward, despite opportunities and choices, Afro-Americans embrace their idea of powerlessness. By insuring that blacks grow up with a sense of powerlessness, black leaders fill the niche of benefactor.

Blacks who have been taught they need benefactors will go to these leaders for things they can get or do on their own. The confidence they can do things on their own has been eroded. Eroded not by the apathetic white community, but by the mercenary black, which maintains the sense of oppression.

Every incident in which whites, no matter how stupid or unique, commit a crime against blacks, is waved as a banner. The attitude that "all whites hate us", that the world is 'racist', is so pervasive that American Blacks refuse to perceive the contrary, even when blatant. The belief in black inferiority held by American Blacks causes them to ignore those who hold cabinet positions or the highest office at the United Nations.

Further, this belief becomes the excuse why a set back is suffered. It is never "I" who is at fault, it is always 'Them', Where other groups unite for their own betterment, helping each other, Black Americans look outside of their group for a permanent "reparation", as if the world owes them. Other nations, with histories of enslavement, colonialism, move on.

Malaysia was a British Colony, so was India and Pakistan. Many were virtually sold and sent as indentured servants to the West Indies to work on Sugar Plantations when slavery was abolished. One doesn't hear much of this quirk of history, simply because those who were sold into servitude moved on. American Blacks would have moved on if they weren't constantly under the oppression of so-called "leaders" who alienate wider society while inculcating the "failure" mentality into those who follow them.

West Indians who go to America for opportunity fill the middle class. Their skin is as black if not blacker than the American, yet, because they have not been subjected to the propaganda, they work as many jobs as they can get, save their money, buy property, become landlords, and don't seem to notice all the racism Americans do. West Indians, as American Blacks, experienced slavery, starting about one hundred years earlier, (Fifteen Hundreds, contra the Sixteen Hundreds for America). Slaves brought to South America, under the Spanish, were not freed until 1888. Under the English; 1834.

To maintain slavery as the touchstone of experience of Africans in America is to constantly inculcate in them that sense of inferiority which works so well for those that purport to lead them. And so badly for those who must be led.

In the opening scene, Wai-Tung (played by Winston Chao) is shown in the weight room establishing from the very beginning an obvious sense of strength and masculinity. The weight room scenes, as there are more than one, become veritable montages of sweat bands, cutoff shorts and five second shots of sweat, muscle, and moving weights - using one entrenched stereotype of masculinity to juxtapose the audiences supposed reaction to the Chinese man performing them.

It is this sort of irony used by the movie - the clinging of one widespread perception to dispel a second, that Ang Lee relies upon to combat the more commonplace precepts many Westerners base their ideas of Easterners upon. Once again, consider the opening sequence. While on the one hand the scene seems to be challenging preconceived notions of masculinity and Asian American sexuality, the director chooses to have Wai-Tung listening to his mother on audio cassette, who in classic stereotypical Chinese fashion is rebuking him for things such as not writing, and not marrying.

The fact that Wai-Tung is listening to this during his workout, infers (and is later supported) that he has a strong sense of filial loyalty and a strong sense of obligation to his parents: even while performing such a personal activity as working out, Wai-Tung reserves part of his focus ro4 his family.

This is a hallmark of the Chinese society, whose widespread practice of Ancestor Worship (considered vaguely pagan by Western eyes) and “odd” family bonds and duties has given many this somewhat naive notion of the Asian American as a sort of “Mama's boy”. Certainly had Wai-Tung been a white actor named Wayne, having the opening scene portray him working out and listening to a audio recording of his mother might have given the audience a very conflicted depiction of his character.

However, because the focus was an Asian American, the director was able to ground the audience with one hand, while attempting to shake their long held beliefs with the other. And so, the scene is able to successfully contradict the stereotypes and lack of Asian American masculinity not just despite the inclusion of this “Mama's Boy” effect, but in conjunction with it - attempting to show that the two are not mutually exclusive.

Wai-Tung's appearance throughout the movie continues to force viewers to reexamine their concept of masculinity in Asian American's as we watch the POV character continue with his day to day life. Wai-Tung is presented as a professional and productive member of society, dressed in the standard white collar fair later associated with Japanese businessmen, but doing so in a slightly different way.

To easier explain the distinction, it would be best to compare Wai-Tung with his “best friend from High School” who is also seen throughout the movie wearing a suit - however - he carries himself in a more disheveled and disorderly way, hinting at his somewhat awkwardness in Western attire. Wai-Tung, in relation to his foil, a more stereotypical Asian American in the film, allows the analytical viewer the opportunity to see, once again, how Ang Lee makes use of opposing stereotypical images to disassemble them.

Similarly, in the first scene we are introduced to Simon, we are given another taste of Ang Lee's sense of irony. Simon appears to be a typical Westerner, a light haired fair skinned physical therapist in decent physical shape. He surprises us when, unexpectedly, he begins quoting in Chinese philosophical prose. Once again, this challenges our preconceived notions of masculinity, as a seemingly poster child for Western manliness ( later revelations of homosexuality aside - another stereotype examined by Ang Lee in the film ) is directly associated with Chinese culture.

Lastly, the stereotype of the elderly Chinese gentleman as a masculine figure is both enforced and challenged by Wai-Tung's father, the “Commander”. The small and unassuming man takes many of the stereotypical attributes of an elderly Asain American, whose small frame and seemingly soft spoken voice seem to attest to the conceptions developed over the years. This, however, is coupled with the sense of strength and power he possesses, and is certainly alluded to by his moniker of Commander.

His ability to disregard his own health, and face the medical adversities without hesitation is a testament to the masculinity of his people. Throughout the movie, there is not a single scene where he is portrayed as worrying, or even considering, his health issues. Typical to the other dichotomies presented in Ang Lee's movie, viewers are once again faced with irony in the dish washing scene, where Wai-Tung's father who had just recently had a somewhat serious stroke (serious enough to go to the hospital) displays his masculinity by defying the worries of others by performing a historically effeminate task such as washing dishes.

In conclusion, the movie The Wedding Banquet makes use of contradictory stereotypes in such a way as to cause viewers to question their own perceptions. All of the characters in the movie rely on the clever use of contrasting stereotypes to add depth and realism to them, while at the same time making a poignant social commentary on the concepts we may hold concerning race and masculinity.

Being in a serious romantic relationship or marriage with someone who doesn't share a similar cultural background and/or mother tongue can be alternately rewarding and intensely frustrating...and while I only have experience with marriage to someone from Asia, I'm sure this statement can be made of all intercultural/interracial unions. Though I probably had more knowledge of China than most American men would be able to claim at the time I met my future wife, I am still a product of the country and culture where I was raised. As such, I will admit that I also had a certain stereotype of women from Asian countries knocking around in my head, before she and I began dating. Any preconceptions I might have had were quickly dispelled, however, after dating and meeting her friends. Though the romantic view of many men in the West is that Asian women (Chinese and Japanese in particular) are born of a culture that casts women in a subservient role, it is an antiquated view that should have died decades ago...but somehow lives on. Asian women often have stronger personalities than Western women and they expect that their men will push themselves to do better, in every aspect of their life. One of the first cultural misunderstandings an American man would be likely to encounter is the notion that Asian women are money-grubbing gold diggers.

Money will seem extremely important, perhaps excessively so. This is only a result of the fact that money represents security...an American man would quickly discover that while his lovely Asian partner seems very preoccupied with money, they rarely spend it frivolously. Speaking for myself, this was quite a hurdle to overcome; I had grown accustomed to buying small items at my leisure, rarely saving for the "big ticket" items that I dreamed of owning. My wife couldn't understand why I would fritter away a few dollars here and there on small items, when I could easily pass them up in favor of the "big" purchase. The benefit of integrating her way of thinking into my own (and letting her start handling the finances) is that we were able to buy things like a widescreen TV, a house and a new car. These items I would have only "dreamed" about, now a reality because of my acceptance of a new way of thinking.

This is not to say that changes like these come without much wailing and gnashing of teeth, however! Most men will find that they are very set in their ways, and making changes - particularly, the older we get - become very difficult. It takes an extremely patient and dedicated woman to put up with the resistance of a man who has been accustomed to a bachelor's lifestyle, as it is...how much more so, then, for a woman whose cultural expectations never seem to jive with her mate's? It's easy to see only one side of the coin in a relationship - especially if it's your own. This will inevitably lead to one side - or both - feeling that the other is trying to "change" them, to act according to their own native culture. In fact, both sides will find themselves changing; both in their own behavior, and their expectations of their partner. It's easy to ignore the changes that are happening in your partner, when you're so focused on how much you are being asked to change, yourself. While any married person will read this and say, "This is the way it is for anyone who ties the knot," there a million variations that mixed culture (and mixed race) couples will be confronted with, which those who are from the same background are not.

I had the opportunity to visit China with my wife, something I'd always wanted to do - and who could ask for a better tour guide? In doing so, I was struck by a sense of being a "stranger in a strange land." In thinking about what my wife has done, I gained an appreciation for the level of sacrifice she has already made, in marrying me and becoming a resident of the United States, about to gain full citizenship. Imagine moving to a country halfway around the world, where very few people speak your native language, filled with people who have a lifetime of pop culture exposure that you lack. Television shows you've never seen, which they love quoting. Jokes you've never heard, with punchlines that are tied directly to pop culture.

Her English, while fluent and easily understandable, still has the limitations of a lifetime of cultural exposure that she can never fully recoup. It is a frustration that few people would have the tolerance to endure. Jokes made by coworkers that you don't understand. Knowing references to shows you've never watched, books you've never read, commercials you've never seen. As the counterpart of a relationship with someone who has gone completely out of their comfort zone to share a life with me, it's humbling to realize exactly how many sacrifices she's made. That's not to say I'm not guilty sometimes forgetting this when she's harping on me, or when I feel that I'm being forced to change my behavior more than I'd like...because I definitely am. However, the overwhelming lesson I can convey to anyone who is currently in, or is considering entering a mixed-race or mixed-culture romance is...you will change. Your patience, as well as your partner's, will be tested beyond any other relationship you may have had. In the end, your ability to stay together will depend almost completely on the love you have for each other; because on those days where it seems you cannot find any middle ground at all, love will be the glue that holds you together.

Do not be fooled by any cultural stereotypes that you have been brought up to believe, they are almost certainly 100% erroneous. You will find your relationship healthier and stronger if you go in with an understanding that you will both have to give - perhaps a lot more than is comfortable - in order to make it work. The reward, though, will be a deeper understanding and appreciation of a culture you might otherwise never have had...and an always interesting relationship with someone who always has something new to teach you.