Don`t bother looking for a hot dog vendor in most Asian cities. Instead, find a street vendor, select your squid and it will be freshly grilled for you...on a stick. Can anyone tell me where I can find a McDonald's?

Pizza On A Stick

These treats found at Toronto`s C.N.E. give new meaning to "think outside the box" Slices of pizza are deep fried on a stick. I`d try one of these if there was a paramedic close by.

Cheesecake On A Stick

Move over BaskinRobbins These are actual slices of cheesecake, dipped in chocolate and then frozen. If I absolutely had to eat something frozen on a stick: this would be it.

Pancake and Sausage On A Stick

Perfect for those lazy weekend mornings when you can`t stand the thought of trekking all the way to the IHOP or the local Denny`s for breakfast, Jimmy Dean has just what you need. Frozen pancakes and sausage on a stick. No tray required. Do people really buy this stuff?

Fish On A Stick

Holy Mackerel! Now those are what I call fish sticks!! Just select your fish and your choice of beverage from one of these Japanese street vendors and you`re good to go. I wonder what the response would be if these were served in school cafeterias instead of traditional fish sticks?

Deep Fried Snickers Bar On A Stick

Yes, you read correctly. Deep Fried Snickers Bars! As the only living human that does not like chocolate, I just can`t figure this one out. I can feel my arteries hardening just thinking about it.

Deep Fried Cheese On A Stick

This is where my knees get weak. Cheese on a stick. Food doesn`t get any better than that! I live a long way from Cedar Point Park, and I hate crowds but I would go there just to eat this cheese on a stick.

The training of your human being is if utmost importance. Once you've decided to adopt one, remember, it's not just for Christmas; it's for life or until you decide to replace it.

But you've already made the decision or otherwise you wouldn't still be reading. I won't discourage you. It's a decision many of us cats have made and for the most part it's a logical choice.

What sort of human should you adopt?

Humans are generally among the most stubborn of animals and their characters rarely change over the years. Stubbornness is a form of mental deficiency and is a sign of weak intelligence. If you have the opportunity, observe your target for an extended period before taking the plunge.

They seem to have some kind of obsession with seven. Do they do the same things over a seven day period? Cut the grass and then cut it again seven days later? Send the children out for the day five days a week and let them stay home for the other two? You've found a stubborn one. Try to find a more flexible one. We make a lot of investment in our humans, sometimes even giving up a life or two so finding an accommodating one is of paramount importance.

Observe how they act towards their children. Do they spoil them? Spoiling is a good sign. They will think of you as an extra child and will spoil you too.

But how do the children react towards cats? Do they chase them, annoy them, disturb them, wake them up from a well-deserved sleep? Watch the children carefully since some of them cannot differentiate cats from their toys. Humans, especially children, have a rather low level of intelligence.

What sort of accommodation will they provide you? Look for big. Big is good; it provides more places, such as dark cupboards, where you can retreat from bothersome attentions.

Look for a walled garden. Walled gardens are good. They keep dogs out.

Do they have a dog? or even worse, multiple dogs? Dogs are not good. They can be manipulative to your disadvantage. However, an old, lazy, fat one can be a useful asset. They often fail to finish all their food and this can supply a useful source of additional nourishment for snacks between meals. They can also keep other dogs away.

Do they have trees? Trees are good too. They provide an exciting alternative to ground-level viewpoints. You can survey your territory well from a tree and trees often house birds and other small creatures to supplement your diet.

Now comes the tricky part. You must, absolutely must, train your human. We are supplied by nature with the tools to do this; it's almost as if humans were created specifically to suit our assets.

Our main tools are our enormous vocal range, our purr, our claws, our persistence, our soft, seductive fur, our expressive tails, our gentle, staid and dignified locomotion and our rough tongues. Let's examine these assets in detail and learn how to use them to best advantage.

Vocal range

An extremely useful sound is the "chirp". You all know what I mean. When a human does something that pleases you, reward it with a chirp. You've been presented with your favourite food? Chirp. It's what's called positive reinforcement. They adore the sound and will learn over time to modify their behaviour so they can earn a chirp.

On the other hand, if they attempt to wash or bathe you, you need to punish this action severely with the howl. Accompany it with generous use of claws and persistence. This is called negative reinforcement. Make it sound like you're being murdered. They will be shamed when their neighbours start staring at their house, wondering whether to report them to the animal welfare authorities.Humans seem to be under the impression that bathing is good for you. As I said before they lack intelligence in certain areas. They need to wash because they have no fur to keep the dirt away from their skin. All we need is an occasional few minutes pleasurably licking our various body parts.

You've just woken up from a well-deserved sleep and you're hungry? Miaow plaintively. Not just once, do it again and again until they've learned that it means you need food. Not later; NOW. When they eventually get the message (and they will, oh yes, they will!) they will start to understand what their priorities should be.

Purring

Whilst a chirp is an instant reward for a job well done, it is short-lasting. If you need extensive attention, such as a warm lap, head-scratching and rubbing under the chin then you need to purr. Humans haven't yet worked out how we do it, how we make the sound, how we can purr and eat at the same time. We'll let them keep on guessing. But they seem to enjoy the purr and it is one of their major aims in life to get you to purr. Use it wisely; don't waste it on minor occasions.

Claws

Humans don't like to be clawed. This is probably because they have no fur and scratching opens up the skin and lets their blood out. Be particularly careful not to claw their children too much. It leaves evidence that can hardly be denied. However, it's a useful occasional reminder of our power to inflict pain and discomfort. Use it wisely because too much of this can lead to your being evicted from your own home and then you have the bother of locating another.

Persistence

It takes persistence to train humans because they are so obstinate themselves. You have to overcome their obstinacy with your persistence. Reward and punish again and again and again. They will learn in the end.

Fur

There's not much you can do to change the fur you were born with but fur is a wonderful tool in training humans. Use it to rub yourself against them as a reward for a job particularly well done or to make them feel guilty that you are pleasuring them while they're not reciprocating.

Tails

Whereas dogs seem to spend their lives stupidly wagging their tails at every opportunity and wasting energy even when nothing good is happening, our own tails are "THE WARNING". Humans have come to recognise this over the years and, if used intelligently and selectively, the flick of a tail lets them know in advance that you disapprove of their current actions on this occasion and these will eventually lead to clawing and howling. An example is when children want to play with you and you just want to eat or sleep. A few minutes of tail-flicking will warn them that worse is to follow.

Locomotion

Whereas dogs prance around looking like clowns, we cats have dignity. Humans appreciate dignity. Walk in a dignified manner at all times; it exudes power and intelligence. It reminds them that we are closely related to tigers, who can stalk humans easily and even eat a whole one with little effort.

Tongues

For some reason, humans like the feel of our rough tongues on their bare skin. Our research hasn't arrived at a conclusive reason for this but it might be due to the fact that it's the single most effective way of removing an itch. They seem to be unaware that we are actually tasting them. Their naked skin exudes valuable salts and we can take advantage of this to supplement the minerals in our diets.

Well, there you have it in a nutshell. I hope you'll bear all these tips in mind and enjoy your life with your new human.

Thanks for the warning! You just saved some of us a trip to the emergency room.

I’m not 100% certain, but you might want to think about bringing your own chair if you want to eat at this restaurant. And you might want to use the bathroom before you come!

Honey, could you take my automatic rifle back to the car? The sign said it’s not allowed. Apparently there is nothing allowed past this point!

Apparently the cop never took the time to read this sign, because he’s still sitting there! He’s going to make a good detective someday, because of his attention to details!

A universal sign for bus stops, park benches and restrooms, if I had these signs. I wonder if the designer of this sign is a comedian on his days off!

This could prove to come in handy on those busy nights at the local bar! Two beers or less means more frequent trips to the bathroom and some people are just too lazy for that. Am I right gentlemen?

If you’ve drank enough beer to where you had to use a lift, then I’m sure that is a sign that you don’t need anymore to drink!

Mmm! Sounds enticing, doesn’t it?

I’m just speechless! I have to go get a tissue to dry my tears of joy!

They were talking about the golf balls, weren’t they?

Parents beware! I do believe they actually mean it!

Wouldn’t it be amazing if dogs actually responded to this sign?

Here is your advertising dollars at work!

It goes to show you that creativity knows no boundaries, so no matter how dumb you think your idea might be, just remember that there is always someone willing to pay for that so called dumb idea of yours!

It’s Monday morning, and you are again reminded that you are a worker drone. You work in a profession with lots of contact with the general public, so you put on your best-mannered façade. The public can be rude to you, yell at you, and you must be the friendly embodiment of company service. You yourself have virtually no personality, so that you tend to forget by midweek that you are anyone at all. Your boss is the only one entitled to have an opinion or criticism. So, all of those years of critical thinking in college have landed you a job as “the great American working stiff.”

As a working stiff, you are a puppet, more dead than alive. The world holds you intensely accountable. Who are you accountable to? You are accountable to all of the corrupt politicians, lawyers, doctors, corporate executives and the like who pull your strings. The left steals half of your earnings to house and feed crack heads, prison inmates, and the like. The right steals the other half to line their pockets, buy yachts, and build extensions to their homes. You are right in the middle, right between the legs of the beast. That’s it, you are the one getting screwed.

It’s an odd fact that the hardest-working, most patient, and fair people in our society get the shaft more than anyone else. We are nickled and dimed half to death by our puppeteers.

A little bit of color, a dash of personality in our drab lives would be refreshing. Our worlds require something more than just a Dilbert cartoon to adorn our cubicles, something more than a goofy mug in the sink that has unknowingly been spreading influenza throughout the drone empire. We need Picasso to come in and give our bosses three eyes and four ears, in blue. We need Cristo to wrap the whole freakin’ building in purple paisley satin.

Oh, yes. We also would also like the liberty to tell rude people to put it where the sun don’t shine. We’d like the freedom to tell the dolts exactly what we think of them. Without losing our jobs, that is.

And we’d like to see some accountability for our higher-ups. We like the corporate execs and the politicians to join the crack heads in prison. It wouldn’t be no resort prison, neither. It would be a full-fledged correctional facility, where you dare not drop your soap in the shower.

So, you now have some food for thought this evening as you chug down a congested highway back to your starting square. You can curl up onto that nice puffy pillow and dream of cutting the strings. The puppet is free.

Tomato

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Could someone tell Warner Bros. to get Bugs girlfriend to put out, this is the third freaking one this year!

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Just when you thought Roberto was your only competition!

Butternut Squash

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A famous Aussie fruit, this one got a lil' too..excited maybe?

Orange

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Move over Mr. T, Mr. O's taking over!

Carrots

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Who says only humans like foreplay?

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Ah hillbillies, what would the world be without 'em…

Chilly

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Ladies, up for a..hot pepper?

If you snickered at any of the above images, you're now officially a gutter-head. Mind leaving your contact information if you're an XX-chromosome carrier?

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I think this one is my favorite.  Not only does it draw tons of attention because of it's size, the use of humor throughout the ad really jumps out at you too.  I really love that he's also seeking restaurant coupons.  He's clever, I'll give him that!

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This one sounds like it's written by Borat -- looking for a companion for "sexy time".  Hysterical.  I am so sure that he is "well-endowed".  Hard to believe he had to take out an ad looking for love -- a well endowed reclusive dancer who is a philosopher type.  Oh and tall, thin and youthful.  Not young, just youthful.

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This is one of the new Facebook ad gimmicks.  His text is okay but I don't understand the "This must be why they call SF the city of love...*sigh*" beside his picture.  I'd definitely give him a thumbs up, even if I'm not a Russian Jewish.

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Sometimes it's good to start young because it might take a long time to find that perfect match.  I must admit that my baby daughter used to have a shirt like this.  It said she was looking for looking for someone who liked mushy food and knew his colours.

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This ad seems completely normal until he mentions his mustache.  I am not sure what that has to do with anything.  Maybe he just wants everyone to know upfront that he has facial hair and he's not afraid to show it!  I guess the chances are very low that you could convince him to shave it off.  Oh well, everything's funnier with a mustache.

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Okay, maybe this ad is not looking for love.  It's totally funny though!

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Speaking of pigs...  This sounds like a guy I knew (and unfortunately dated) in the 90's!  I hope he's trying to be funny.

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By day -- looking for love.  By night -- looking for justice!  Everyone needs a nemesis.

What would you even write in a personal ad?  I can't imagine what I would say if I was actually seeking a love interest.

UPDATE:

I did make a Part 2 of this article as several of you suggested.  Hope you enjoy it!.

George Washington worried about being buried alive that was so extreme it was phobic.  It worried him so much that his last words were "Have me decently buried, but do not let my body be put into a vault in less than two days after I am dead....Tis well." 

Socrates was an ancient Greek philosopher who is to this day revered for his wisdom.  He died of hemlock poisoning.  As paralysis from the drug swept through him his last words were "I owe a cock to Ascelepius; will you repay him?"

Christopher Columbus is of course famous for his discovery of North America.  Unfortunately, he suffered from ill health that left him so weak that he had to be carried off his ship at the end of his last voyage.  At the moment of his death he uttered "Into Thy hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit."

Giovanni Casanova is known to be a great womanizer who eventually died due to the complications of venereal disease in 1798 at the age of 73.  His last words were ironically, "Bear witness that I have lived as a philosopher and die as a Christian."

Jane Austen suffered from Addison's disease which also afflicted John F. Kennedy.  She was in a lot of pain before she died in 1897 at the age of 41.  When asked what might relieve her suffering she said "I want nothing but death."  These were the last words she uttered before dying.

Lord Byron died of Malaria in 1824 at the age of 36.  His last words were "The damned doctors have drenched me so that I can scarcely stand.  I want to sleep now."

Ludwig Van Beethoven died of Cirrhosis of Liver in 1827 at the age of 57.  He had asked for a glass of wine, but when it still had not arrived at his moment of death he uttered "Pity, pity - too late!"

Walt Whitman died at the age of 73 in 1892.  He was Known for his fiery temper and remained a bachelor all his life.  Turn of the century biographers pointed out that he "bathed in eau-de-cologne", and hinted to his feminine characteristics.  He boasted on this deathbed "Garrulous to the very last."

Guy de Maupassant was a celebrated 19th century French writer who knew for quite sometime that he was dying.  He said of his impending death, "I don't want to survive myself."

Edgar Allan Poe died at the age of 40 in 1849.  He suffered from Diabetes and was and alcoholic.  Morbid to the end, his last words were "Lord, help my poor soul."  On his gravestone, he instructed them to engrave "Quoteth The Raven, Nevermore", referring to his famous and frightening poem The Raven.

Charles Darwin was known for his controversial Theory of Evolution.  His life was plagued by chronic illnesses.  He died in 1882 at the age of 73 from a heart attack.  His last words were  "I am not the least afraid to die."

Oscar Wilde was as flamboyant in real life as his writing.  Laying in his deathbed penniless and sipping champagne, he quipped "I am dying as I've lived; beyond my means."  Then he glanced around the room and said his very last words - "This wallpaper is killing me.  One of us has got to go."

Rudolph Valentino was a screen idol and "great lover" in the 1920's.  His death in 1926 at the age of 31 was most unexpected and sudden.  As he lay dying from a perforated gastric ulcer and peritonitis for a ruptured appendix, died immediately after saying "Don't pull down the blinds!  I want the sun to greet me."

Thomas Edison was the inventor of the light bulb and died in 1931 at the age of 84. After laying in a coma for two days, he awoke and promptly died after saying "It is very beautiful over there."

Now I am not a terrorist or abusive male of any kind but I do feel gagging is one of duct tapes most useful purposes! To keep the person quiet or simply for kicks! I mean isn't there someone in your life who could use a little "golden silence"?

Too true, although she can never wear that dress or any of her other clothes ever again! She will never die in her duct tape outfit and her head and other appendages will never get too far away! I have fixed many a toy even my own toys in yesteryear with duct tape! Perhaps when the toy breaks instead of buying a new one try duct taping it!

I personally do not see the practical use in this situation but the prank power is most certainly a 10! Imagine coming out of work and seeing your bike entirely duct taped? Then imagine the fun whoever did it had while deploying so much of the joyous Grey stuff! duct taping things is fun an entire bike would be amazing!

Correct me if I am wrong but I do believe that if this wasn't so cute and amazingly hilarious yet practical it would be illegal? I cannot find any legal document saying you cannot duct tape your child to a wall to restrain them and to be honest they look quite comfortable! Your squirmy one year old can be rendered immobile with a bit of imagination and a lot of duct tape!

I have done this myself although it was not entirely duct tape! This has GOT to be the most stylish and practical not to mention inexpensive wallet in the world! Even if you can duct tape over your old wallet when it gets tatty it looks brand new when you duct tape it!

Well you have a wallet made of duct tape and your kid is behaving playing with the duct tape! The only things left are your car and furniture! The dog just ripped a big hole in the 500$ sofa! There is only one way to fix it for 15$ and make it even more durable and easier to fix! DUCT TAPE IT! That looks like a brand new sofa! Your guests won't even notice and it the dog wrecks it again a few strips and it is good as new!

Grab your duct tape people! It is time to teach the maker of this image a lesson!

Nazareth

Dear Sir/Madam

I wish to complain about the contraceptive injection that you recommended for me. Clearly it doesn't work!

My boyfriend, Joe, and I decided to be sensible and take precautions before we went all the way. You told me the injection would work immediately.

Now, not only am I pregnant, but neither of us can even remember getting up to anything! Okay, we went to that party and had a pretty heavy session, but that was it! Joe says someone must have spiked both our drinks. How weird is that!

My mum and dad will go ballistic! It looks as though I'm due to drop in December. Dad is taking us all on this donkey trekking holiday where we sleep outside and meet the locals. So what am I supposed to do? Have the kid under the stars or something?

On top of all this, that injection has messed with my head. I keep having weird dreams where this transvestite freak is telling me it's a boy. I mean I haven't even had the frigging scan yet!

Therefore, I am very disappointed with your service and would not recommend you to my friends.

Mary.

Anybody want some Chinese food? This place looks nice, looks like they are the kings of fu. Who knew a restaurant can be the king of fu. Please before you open a business, think of a decent name. And if you do read it and think about it before you put it up. If you are trying to be funny with it, at least make the sign look like your joking!

I love to lick chicks for dinner don't you? This one I actually laughed when I saw it. I could tell they were joking unlike fu king. Some people thing these types of restaurants are gross, but they attract more people than you think. When you see something like these try and make the best out of it and let out a laugh.

How come china has all the weird serious names? This one is just weird, but in china many things are weird to me. One thing is that they eat scorpions. Otherwise this sign is what I was talking about before. Think before you put up a sign for your restaurant. Things like this I would think would gross out customers more than please them!

This has to be the most funniest name every. Even though it is kind of leaning to black person slang, I find it hilarious. I would just want to eat there just to say I at here. Although by the look of the store it doesn't look like they are doing that good. That's fine with me; the name just cracks me up.

I don't know about you but this sounds gross. But believe or not I ate there once, it was okay. But they need to clean up their act. Seriously it's a bad influence for young children and they need to censer it before they get sued. They should reconsider a new name, or at least cut out one part, it drives me nuts!

This one just upsets me. There is no point in making a buffet with a name like that. Austin Powers already made they joke, you can do it again. This just upsets me, for some reason I don't find this one as hilarious as it seems. But some people may get a kick out of it and eat there some day. So don't take my advice, if you like the names try it!

I love this one. It is censored enough and it is funny. I respect who ever made this store because I love the name. This isn't my favorite name but it is up there. I defiantly want to eat there at one point in my life. It looks so cool and cute. Although they look like they are out of business because no one is inside.