I get tired of having door to door salesmen coming 'a knockin' as my aunt was wont to say, it's just something that bothers me. Maybe it's because I lived the first half of my life in a mobile home where nobody would step foot inside a yard surrounded by a six foot fence and a dog that could have easily chewed through a lead pipe; or perhaps it's because I lived the second half of my life in apartments where, soliciting was frowned upon. I just don't know.
But I have issue with people who come to my door begging. It's not that I'm cold or callous, I've had my fair share of crap jobs that required me to put on a big cheesy smile, slap on my Sundays finest and ring that buzzer or rap my knuckles on some door in the hopes of earning a nice big paycheck.
Actually, scratch that. The only time I went around was during my childhood where the school system would use us as pawns in their drive for next years funding by handing us a packet full of magazines where we'd be intimidated into going to the little old ladies in our neighborhoods in the hopes that they were senile enough to forget that they just bought from Timmy, Sally, Barby and Judy long enough to buy some trinket that'd be devoured or handed over to some hapless relative the next time they visited. Usually it was those tins of popcorn that would sit in someones closet until the next annual family garage sale, or the bars of chocolate that you could get at the local grocer for half the cost.
I devised a list for my family after I got a particularly nasty door to door salesman. Now, don't get me wrong, the man was actually quite nice, but very and I mean -very- pushy. He was polite and to the point, he wanted us to buy his item. Now this particular item was actually rather useful. The problem was that we as a family have to simply budget for everything. With five people in the house and only two working, that means every penny has to be fairly accounted for. We explained it to this nice gentleman and he said he understood but insisted we buy his stuff. It came down to a point to where my husband had to threaten him with physical harm in order to get him to leave. We moved on with our lives, but that one experience left us scarred; were people so desperate for money that they'd refuse to leave until someone bought their stuff? What kind of sales tactics were required for his line of work that would require putting ones life on the line!?
Either way, the experience we can look back on and be amused. Also it gave me a chance to place this little gem upon our door.
NO SOLICITORS
1.I don’t want your newspaper. If I did, I’d go buy one. Besides, all there seems to be now days is bad news. Why would I want bad news delivered daily?
2.It’s great you’re raising money to support various charities, but I don’t ask you to support my family. If you saw my fridge you’d leave. In fact, you'd probably give me money.
3.I have a lawn mower, thank you. His name is Krumb and he’s a very nice llama. We just don’t let him out very often.
4. Don’t come to my door to preach religion and I won’t come to your place of worship and rearrange your religious icons with Barbie in compromising positions with the 12 apostles.
5.It’s nice you want to go to Disney Land and are selling magazines/candy; I would like to go too. Hence why I’m not giving you money to go.
6.Why yes, my house probably does need new siding/painting; that’s your opinion, I’m rather fond of my ‘roughing’ it look my house has. It makes it that much more fun for the kids at Halloween.
7.No, I do not want whatever pet you’re giving away. I have enough of my own. And Refer to #3, Krumb doesn’t like sharing.
8.We don’t like sunlight. We’re nerds, it burnnnss us. So try to have some courtesy when knocking, or come in the evening. Twilight is best.
9.I’m happy with my Cable Tv service. Satellite isn’t for us; I prefer to keep my dishes in the cupboard.
10.If you’re here to sell something, turn yourself right around. I have a dog and she’s very fond of using those trying to get money out of us as chew toys. :)
Thank you and have a nice day.
Four months we have had this sign upon our door; it's weathered rain, hail, and even brutal one-hundred degree tempuratures, and I have to thank this little piece of paper for saving my piece of mind- I have yet to have a single knock on my door, a single adult or cherubic faced little child asking if I'd like to sponser them for a trip to Africa, buy their vaccuum cleaner or send starving children in some nameless country to the zoo.
