MEN <---> WOMEN
Bath·room
- A room equipped for taking a bath or shower.
- Toilet
- Go to or use the bathroom, to use the toilet; urinate or defecate.
Simple right? A conventional concept that most people take for granted. It's a routine that is apart of our daily lives from day one - start out in diapers, then graduate to the porcelain hole in the ground. Now I'm sure you're probably wondering why the hell I'm taking the time to write about a bathroom. Some people collect stamps, I write about bathrooms -- Hopefully you caught on to the sarcasm -- if not, well..pat yourself on the back, you tried - just click the big "X" at the top of this page and everything will be OK.
But back to business -- How many times do you come across a bathroom in a day? Once, twice? Every three feet? Now how many times do you actually stop and think, "I wonder what they're going to say this time.." Well if you're anything like me -- a raging dyke, out for farmer's daughters, covered in tattoos and piercings, sabotaging heterosexuality, one bathroom at a time -- then you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Bathrooms aren't just a room full of a stalls separated by some make-shift walls - they are actually a portal to a world that doesn't know the meaning of COLOR - Black and white is all they see. Boy - Girl. Man - Woman. Perfect, right? Not so much, especially when you're a girl that looks like a boy wearing mens clothing in a woman's bathroom.
Call me crazy, but how many of you really enjoy public restrooms? Walking down the runway past a panel of judges disguised as mirrors, only to come to a dead end lined with doors that hold no escape? Once you're in, you know your only option is to deposit your contribution into the cold, ceramic pot that lies in front of you, just as so many others have done before you. Not exactly a trip to Disneyland, is it? Take that and add a few glares, whispers, and the occasional opened-mouth stare, and what do we have? A LESBIAN IN THE BATHROOM!! Or how about those people who only see in black and white - what THEY see is a perverted man in the womans bathroom, trying to sneak in for a quick thrill. That one is always fun. I don't know how many times I've seen an older, white-haired, mid-western woman hobble out of the bathroom to take a second look through her 3 inch thick lenses, and make sure she wasn't trespassing. My favorite part of the day is when I find a gas station. Gas station = One Stall. One occupant. No confusion.
My best advice to all you dykes out there -- Find a bathroom buddy -- Either that, or carry a roll of toilet paper with you at all times.
