CNN recent special “Black in America” raised the thorny issue of the lack of eligible bachelors in the black community.
Much ink and video tape has been expended on this issue, which was even the subject of a movie called “Something Different,” in which a professional black woman finds love with a white landscaper.
The CNN special featured a bull session with black professionals from the Atlanta area. One of the issues brought up by one of the sisters in the group was black men being afraid of “professional, accomplished women.”
Black women are a particular unique group. I can feel for them and their lack of dating opportunities. I'm a black man, but even I can admit that many brothers are struggling with issues like unemployment, incarceration and out of wedlock children.
Because Black American men have largely failed in their roles as fathers and leaders of the family, black women have learned to do without them. Many black women are constantly admonished by their parents, and in many cases single mothers, to never rely on a black man because “a brother will always let you down.”
I don't advise any woman in today's society to be totally dependent on a man, but by encouraging black women to make themselves independent many parents are setting their daughters up for failure. A marriage or a relationship is a partnership by definition, and it's very difficult to be in a relationship with an independent -minded woman, who is used to doing thing her own way.
The sister from Atlanta complained about black men being intimidated by strong, independent woman, but she misses the issue. The roles of men and women have radically changed over the last half century. While women are expected to work and further their education in college, many men still secretly want to have a wife like their mother, one who took care of the children, cooked, cleaned and had a hot meal ready for him when you gets home.
It may be politically incorrect to admit that in modern-day America, but I wonder how many of those “strong, independent” black women are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to be a good wife? Sisters should pay heed to those studies that show that the further women move up the corporate ladder, the less likely they are to get married. Men in Corporate America, have seen the lives that corporate women lead, and they realize that lifestyle is not conducive to being a good wife or mother.
Most professional brothers, and men in general, have been single at one point of their lives. They can cook, clean, and do laundry. If they can't do those things, they can either find a woman to do these tasks, or pay a housekeeper, (which is often cheaper than marriage as many divorced men are realizing.) Unfortunately, several years after the Sexual Revolution, many American women either cannot or will not do these tasks. Some women feel these household chores are demeaning and render them suberservient. This problem is not just confined to the black community. An increasing number of older, wealthy white men are going to places like Russia and the Philippines to find old-fashioned women who are willing to stay home and be traditional wives. The jury is still out on whether these relationships succeed in the long run, but it shows what little faith many American men have in American women.
If men have to come home to an empty house, cook their own meals and do their own laundry, they will start asking themselves what is the benefit of being married? Unfortunately professional woman are still expected to handle most of the home chores after work. This makes them feel like they have two jobs, one at home, and the other at the office.
Ideally some form of compromise is needed. For example, while one partner does the cooking, the other partner can do the grocery shopping or wash the car.
It's unreasonable for men to expect a woman who has been working all day to have a hot meal ready every day. But, ladies, a home-cooked meal every once in a while goes a long way. Several years ago in one of his stand-up specials Chris Rock said the secret to finding a man is cooking. He said, “If you put a pot on a stove at 5 o'clock a man will show up.”
Some women are realizing that is impossible to be a great career woman and a perfect mom and are opting out. CNN recently featured a story about college-educated childless women who have decided to become homemakers. Some feminists might claim this is a step backwards, but I will bet those women have happy husbands and longer lasting marriages. Both sexes need to ask themselves what is most important, being successful in your career and independent, or having a happy family? The choice is yours.
