I'm certain that my father, a WWII vet instilled in me a sense of independence. Pride in getting a job done without waiting around for the contributions of others, was definitely a character trait he prized. Of course, I've been wrong before. If he were alive today, he could share quite a list of things he tried to teach me that I, uh, misinterpreted.
He did often explain to me that my bedroom was my responsibility and therefore my mess to take care of, independently. However, the big picture, the cleanliness and orderliness of the entire house was a team project. Teamwork did not mean that the whole family was needed to form a fire brigade to get my clothes off the floor and into the washing machine. Teamwork was each person doing their part to get the clothes clean. I would get the clothes from floor to basket, a sibling would get the basket to the laundry room, and mother would wash, dry, fold and sort the clothes. Then I would finish what was started, and put the clothes away in my dresser.
Trying to teach a teenager the concept of teamwork is a challenging task. It may require teamwork on the parent's part; gathering information on how to talk "teenagese", talking with other parents about what has worked with them, and having a consistent plan full of rewards and, yes, consequences appropriate for the matter at hand.
- 1) What are they saying? While the terms and expressions parents use may be outdated and teens might be using a foreign language that they alone can understand, when it comes to family communications, everyone just wants to be heard and understood. If we can enter into conversations with the understanding that our kid wants to be understood, we might be able to react less to what appears to be an attitude of obstinacy or lack of respect. Communication is key to help everyone clearly see that they must remain aware of what others need and what others have to contribute in order for the team to success.
- 2) Resources. The internet is full of people who want to tell us what to do with our lives. Just type "teamwork" into your search engine and you'll get lots of advice. Obviously, this idea of working together for a common goal is on many minds.
On one search engine, it gave a list of searches related to the search term "teamwork". ‘Teamwork in sports', ‘importance of teamwork', ‘benefits of teamwork', ‘teamwork in the workplace' and ‘teamwork exercises' were among the related searches. If you look for it, it's out there. Sometimes, just doing the research is the first step in teambuilding.
- 3) Children of all ages like to make their parents do stuff. Kids will leave their book bag on the floor in the same place you tell him everyday not to; just so he can see you put it where it belongs. This is not as mean spirited as it sounds. It's just nature; it's finding their place in the world. But what do we do? We try to punish, we yell and we criticize.
Children want to be heard and respected. Despite how they present their cases, they truly want to be part of a team. A five-year-old who brings her dishes to the sink after a meal knows that this will make Dad do the dishes. However, even the very young can catch on to inconsistency. It's great when Dad does the dishes right away, but when he starts to put it off, or lets the plates pile up for a few days that the child feels they are not part of a team anymore. They learn not to consistently bring the plates to the sink when Dad does not consistently clean them. They also give up on the team when they hear Dad complaining about all the housework. To a kid that could mean that it is there fault. They might start feeling that it they are being nice to Dad by not bringing the plate to the sink. This is why consistency is so important in building a team and teaching teamwork to our children.
Teenagers will catch onto the benefits of being part of the team. They eventually learn that by cleaning their room the reward is freedom to spend the rest of the day as they wish. It is not only the reward that motivates a teen, but also the lack of consequences. They realize that by being part of the team and getting what is expected done, it creates harmony, which is, after all, what their parents wanted all the time.
Teamwork is a great confidence builder as well. Like I now believe my father was trying to teach me, independence is important, but interdependence is what keeps us growing together and going forward. A family that can function well as a team is ready to take on anything that comes its way. I guess it's not surprising that I learned the importance of teamwork from a WWII vet.
